Media Review: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

At 12:00 A.M. last Friday morning I was sitting in my comfy third row chair as The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy opened up.

I have enjoyed the HGttG franchise a great deal. I have listened to the original audio broadcasts and read the omnibus edition of the book, (including all 5 of the books). Needless to say ever since I heard that their was going to be a Feature Film written by Douglas Adams himself I eagerly waited for its release.

I was not disappointed. While the movie was not spectacular, I think it was successful in capturing the soul of the series. The main, memorable lines of the books and radio show were included and the somewhat cartoonish look to the ships and sets fit quite well. The actors chosen for the various roles were also very good although I was a little disappointed that Rowan Atkinson wasn’t cast.

The major downfall of the picture is that I think it would be difficult to understand if you were previously unfamiliar with the series. There simply wasn’t time in the movie to fully develop the characters and all the complexity of the world in a standard length film.

My rating is *** and a half out of *****.

Preparing for Duck Tape Day

Yesterday I began my preparations for Duck Tape Across America Day.

In the spirit of the holiday, I constructed a few Duck Tape accessories. Namely three styles of wallets.

The first, was a small affair constructed according to instructions found @ http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/howto/. I didn't proportionate it quite right but it is still serviceable. Even though it didn't turn out as well as I had hoped the experience gained in its creation was helpful in my later endeavors.

The second wallet is a large but otherwise traditional bi-fold complete with picture window. This time I used a normal wallet as a general model. The wallet has five card pockets and a cavernous body capable of holding hundreds of dollars in small-unmarked bills. This wallet has the best workmanship. The pockets are consistently spaced, the tape is smooth and unwrinkled and I was very careful to seal my edges. All in all, I think this is my favorite of the wallets. While I initially thought that it would be a nice to have something smaller I have come to the conclusion that so long as it fits comfortably in my pocket, bigger really is better.

The third wallet was an attempt to create something a little smaller. I succeeded in making it smaller using a pattern I designed myself, that isn’t really quite like anything I’ve ever seen. I used a different roll of the Redneck Chrome for this wallet. Unfortunately this variety had much stickier adhesive and thinner backing that made it difficult to apply evenly. While I would generally prefer the stronger adhesive and higher thread density of this tape for repair or reinforcement purposes it was less suitable for wallet construction than its predecessor. Anyhow, despite the new tape this wallet turned out very nicely with its 6 pockets and window. The closing mechanism I engineered also seems to work well.

Anyways that is how I have been investing my valuable time this weekend. Hopefully by May 21st I will be ready to unleash, the fullness of my Duck Tape creativity for the grand celebration.

Product Review: Jones Soda

After extensive testing I have decided that the word that best describes Jones Soda is… drum roll please… overrated. That’s right. Those of you who worship the clear glass bottles have been sorely deceived.

Of the several flavors I have personally tried, including but not limited too, Green Apple and Tutti Frutti, I found that they al had an odd, chemically taste that I found unpleasant. Additionally the flavors were rather weak.

Fortunately, we connoisseurs of non-alcoholic fruity drinks can rely on Stewart’s brand soda to provide excellent taste that will leave us repudiating any of the positive statements we ever made concerning Jone’s.

Jones Soda gets, ** of ***** stars.

Product Reviews

In an effort to share my knowledge and allow my readers to learn from my mistakes and benefit from my success, I will be publishing reviews containing my opinions on various consumer goods and media. If any of you decry this as a sorry attempt to boost my posting with low quality, thoughtless drivel, I solemnly deny the apparent truth of your accusations.

Coming Soon:
My first review will be Jones Soda.

Duck Tape Across America Day is Coming Soon.

Duct tape is inarguably the most useful tool ever created by mankind. Because it has been essential in improving the quality of lives of millions of people including myself I would like to alert people to Duck Tape Across America day on May 21 sponsored by Duck brand duct tape.

Duck Tape Across America Day is a day to celebrate and to remember. This would be a good time to send a letter to your favorite duck tape manufacturer asking that niggling question you’ve always wanted to know about the substance that hold our universe together.

Because I would like to give my readers time to prepare for this momentous celebration, I am posting this 26 days before the big day. As we approach the date I will continue to post information and celebration suggestions.

IRS Terrorists

http://www.newsmax.com/archives/ic/2005/4/24/125509.shtml

terrorism - n. The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.

It is time that a government conspiracy that strikes at the heart of American liberties and sense of decency, finally be revealed. Under the Clinton administration the IRS was used as a tool to destroy political opponents and silence dissenters.

Unfortunately, yet predictably, Democrat senators are attempting to block the story from ever coming out. Kerry, Dorgan have introduced legislation to cut an investigation into this outrage’s funding. News Max reports that “sources close to the investigation told the News that if the legislation becomes law, it will prevent Barrett from releasing his findings”.

This information needs to come out. People need to know how the Clintons used the IRS as a political hit squad to go after political enemies such as Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Juanita Broaddrick, the NRA, the Heritage Foundation. More disturbing perhaps was the auditing of Christian political organizations such as the Christian Coalition. Not only did the IRS attack political enemies but the “Justice” Department quashed cases against Clinton allies.

The IRS has been terrorizing ordinary citizens for years but this seems to be the first time where there is substantial evidence that the IRS was used as a political tool to suppress dissent by the same people (in this case Hillary) who shrieked so self righteously, “I am sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and you disagree with this administration, somehow you’re not patriotic…And we should stand up and say we are Americans, and we have a right to debate and disagree with any administration!”

To find countless accounts of IRS abuse type “IRS Abuse” into Google.

Pit Fight

Yesterday afternoon I was walking past my neighbor’s house and saw something that disturbed me. There were four or five little kids, most likely between the ages of 4-6 and they were basically cage fighting. All the kids dads were standing around and cheering them on with shouts of, “Get up!”, “Hit him again!” and “Kick him while he’s down!”. I don’t recall my mommy or daddy making me fight when I was in preschool or kindergarten.

These neighbors who happen to be black provided a perfect demonstration of why “African American” kids get in more trouble and go on to commit more crimes than their white and Asian peers. It is not because of racism it is because of the way their parents bring them up. It isn’t a white people problem it’s a black people problem.

A Game of Tag

I have been tagged by TBQelite into some sort of online game thingie. Normally I think such things are a waste of my valuable time and that such things are best deleted. However this has never stopped me from passing them on in the past, and being such an amiable, friendly sort of person I’ll consent to playing this game as well.

The rules as I understand them are as follows:
Basically, since I got tagged, I have to complete five of the following “what if”s and then tag three people who are then supposed to do the same thing. Theoretically if everyone who got tagged did it, eventually everyone in the world will waste at least five minutes before the end of the millennium.

Anyways the “what if”s are:

If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

My five completions are:

If I could be married to any current political figure…I wouldn’t do it. Most politicians, even the ones I generally agree with are shmucks. The kind of person that makes a successful politician would not meet the personality qualifications I have for my future wife. And that’d disregarding the fact that I am 17 and most prominent politicians are in their fifties.

If I could be a doctor…I would get my doctorate in economics so I could write long winded papers that no one understood and get paid a lot of money. In my spare time I would use my 1337 econ skill to run my own ponzi.

If I could be a writer…I would write nifty sci-fi books that had subliminal Christian messages. Like a more subtle cross between Perlandera and Honor Harrington.

If I could be a gardener…I would grow amazing hydroponic vegetables in an underground pressurized facilitiy.

If I could be a bonnie pirate…I would become a privateer in the grand tradition. Raiding and pillaging wherever I could get away with it and sharing my booty generously until I became known as the Robin Hood of the Seas (except I wouldn’t steal from the rich and give to the poor, I’d steal from the government and give to private industry).

Now that that’s out of the way I tag Neemund, annarose and Trixy

Adorable New Avatar?

Here is an insanely cute picture of my little brother Zachery. I was considering replacing the picture of me I recently installed as my avatar with something a little more... adorable. Since I am a wee bit nefarious I think it might be amusing to lure unsuspecting blogsurfers in with an irresistably sweet picture.

What do my loyal readers think about this?


By the way, contrary to my Mother's advice, if I choose to use this pic, I will not include a tagline that says, "If you want to have babies like this marry me." While I laughed so hard that I almost died when my mom said that (you'd have to know my mom to understand) I like to think I am a little less pathetic than that.

Anyways, feel free to leave your opinion in a comment.

Disreputable Women

The genealogy of Jesus found in Matthew chapter 1 is a rather interesting document that chronicles the ancestry of our Savior. This week I memorized, at least for the short term, the entirety of the chapter.

While memorizing I once again noticed that while most of the genealogy mentions only the fathers and sons there are five women mentioned. Upon further study and discussion with the rest of the Bible Quiz team we found that all of these women led rather controversial lives.

The first woman mentioned was Tamar, the mother of Judah’s sons Perez and Zerah. She was originally married to Judah’s sons but they died and when Judah’s wife also died, she, working as a prostitute conceived twins by him. (Genesis 8)

The second woman, Rahab was also a prostitute. She was a resident of Jericho before it was destroyed and was instrumental in helping the Israelite spies when they performed their reconnaissance before the attack. She is mentioned occasionally in other places in the Bible, usually negatively. (Joshua 6, Psalms 89:10, Isaiah 51:9)

Ruth, mentioned third, was not quite as notorious as those above. She merely seduced the rich relative of her late husband after she became a widow (by seduced I don’t mean all that seduction has come to mean). (Ruth 3)

The fourth woman referred to is Bathsheba. She is not even named in the chapter and is mentioned only as “Uriah’s wife”. She committed adultery with Kind David while her husband was away as a commander in the army. (2^nd Samuel 11)

The last woman is of course Mary. Mary, unlike the women above did not achieve her notoriety from her own wrong actions but rather God worked through her in a way that undoubtedly brought her great disgrace on earth. As most people know she conceived a child while still an unmarried virgin through the Holy Spirit. That child grew up to be the Messiah. (Matthew 1:18-25)

I didn’t have any reason in particular for writing this up. I just thought it was interesting and one of the many parts of scripture that I do not understand. Maybe some of you might comprehend it a little better than I.

Patriots' Day

Today is the Nineteenth of April, also known as Patriots’ Day. It is a day to remember the sacrifices our forefathers made to give us a free country.

On April 19th, 1775, the first American War for Independence started on the Lexington Green. Seven hundred British regulars under the command of Lieutenant Colonel Francis Smith and Major John Pitcairn, set out to seize the Colonists stores of weapons and ammunition being stored in Concord. However, Paul Revere and other messengers spread the word of the Regulars plan on the night of April the 19th. Thus, when the British soldiers arrived they were met by about 70 Massachusetts Minute Men led by John Parker.

No one knows who fired the first shot, but the “Shot Heard Round the World” was fired and touched off a brief skirmish in which the American Militia quickly broke. The British continued on and met stiffer resistance at the North Bridge in Concord and were forced to march back to Boston under the fire of American Patriots. This battle while small marked the beginning of a conflict out of which arose a new, free nation that was destined to become the greatest nation ever known to mankind.

Rabenstrange Unmasked

I have decided to release a picture of myself for my loyal blog readers to see, this time free of the striping that I had previously used. Hopefully it will display correctly.

Three Strikes You're Dead

Crime in the Unites States is going down. According to the Bureau of Justice (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/glance.htm) and the Federal Bereau of Investigation (http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/ucr.htm) the incidence of crimes has decreased while at the same time convictions and the number of prison sentences are on the rise. Unfortunately this change is occurring rather slowly and it is costing taxpayers alot of money.

I am really not a big fan of the prison system. I don't see why my hard earned money should be spent to support those will not abide by the laws of society and intrude on the rights of their fellow citizens. Instead of three strikes programs, which put habitual felons in prison without parole, I think it would be a better use of resources to spend a few cents on ammo and just shoot the villains. If it has been determined that these people are so dangerous that they can never be released into society again there is no point in prolonging their existence.

Think of the deterrent effect of a “Three Strikes You’re Dead” law. While it has been proven that the average career criminal isn't the brightest bulb in the pack, I think most of them would realize that "free" stereos really aren't worth the risk of being executed and those that fail to recognize the peril of crime would be removed permanently from society, a positive change in my estimation.

Spring Quarter

Today is the first day of my second to last quarter at Bellevue Community College. The wondrous period of time known as Spring Break has come to an end and is followed by the inevitable although not quite so wondrous eon known as Spring Quarter. While I do not despise school as many of my colleagues do, I still feel a certain degree of sadness now that I am once again confined to the constraints of a college schedule.

It isn’t all bad though. In all actuality, the sorrow at the end of the break is accompanied by the anticipation and hope as I began my next set of classes. As I mentioned in a previous post I will be taking Japanese 102, Meteorology 101, Accounting 230 and American Studies 260. With the possible exception of accounting, each of my classes promises to hold at least a small degree of interest for me.

So far the most terrifying experience was the one which occurred approximately 1.5 standard hours ago while I was sitting, waiting for accounting class to start. The mild feeling of boredom that had preoccupied me was shattered when, instead of Bratz, the accounting teacher for whom I had registered but Paquette, my former teacher, walked in to teach the class. I must say I was terrified. I frantically pulled my class schedule from its place in my pocket and scanned it to see if I had inadvertently entered the wrong class room. I had not. Before I go any further with this narrative I feel compelled to say that Judith Paquette is not a bad teacher. She is in fact, very friendly and personable and she explains the material being covered in a clear and understandable manner. The reason her class was so terrible for me was the constant projects, homework and other assorted material that made up such a large portion of my grade. I was able to completely absorb the material without doing any of the assignments based solely on my class attendance and therefore I was forced to waste inordinate amounts of time. Anyhow, to continue the story, after a few minutes of panic Mrs. Paquette finally told us that she was merely subbing. Obviously I am very relieved.

And that as they would say is that; the somewhat incomplete account of the first day of spring quarter.

Attack of the Nortons

To those of my readers who have been patient with me and are still checking my blog after my long period of low-quality/no-quality posts I am very thankful. As I mentioned previously I have recently acquired a high-speed Internet connection at home. Hopefully this will assist me in keeping a steady stream of if not high quality, than at least less poor material on my illustrious web log.

Part of the reason for my posting sabbatical was a truly unfortunate series of events that had the lamentable effect of crippling a great deal of my communication productivity. It is my sincere desire that after reading the account of these happenings you will find it in your hearts to forgive me.

The initial reason for my precipitous drop in post frequency was the onset of final exams and the even more dreadful Final Projects of Irrational Length and Complexity. I believe that I am not wrong in assuming that many of you can understand and empathize with this. My accounting class ended with the Mother of All Worthless Projects, an extensive and dreary analysis of American automobile manufacturers’ financial statements and stock/bond valuations. Business Law was less trying in that it only had a standard final, complete with a large assortment of questions on material that the Instructor ran out of time to teach. And lastly but certainly not insignificantly, I had a five-day Japanese final. If my finals schedule were the only thing hindering me, I would not blame you for abandoning my blog and letting it slip in to the abyss of obscurity. But as you will see, assuming you don’t get bored and quit reading, it most certainly was not.

Did I mention that while I was scurrying about trying to prepare for my finals I was infected by a malicious computer virus that ground my poor, defenseless computer into the hard, cold ground and then proceeded to kick and stomp it with unbridled contempt and lack of mercy until it was completely unusable? Whether or not I mentioned it, it definitely did happen. I thank my creator that I was able to hold off the inevitable long enough to copy my files to my father’s computer and email them to myself at the college where I was able to complete the last of my preparations. But little did I know, my suffering was not yet over.

I brought the ill-fated, contaminated hulk of my computer to my good friend TBQelite’s birthday LAN party. The malevolent programs on my computer prevented me from taking part in the majority of the gaming but things were about to take a turn for the better. TBQelite, Neemund, Bobthegolden1 and Shadow Walker were more than willing to assist me in reformatting, reinstalling and in all other ways get my digital self back in order. I have done reformats and installations of Windows at least a dozen times myself and I must say that that was the smoothest installation and recovery I have been witness to. You might think that this is the happy ending of this story. It is not.

When I left the LAN party I had everything I needed reinstalled with the exception of games and….anti-virus software. You might think me stupid and clumsy at this point but I knew the danger my beloved box of circuitry was in and I was determined to find myself an effective anti-virus program. I just wasn’t quick enough. Yesterday afternoon my boss, who is very generous and an altogether pretty cool guy, gave me a CD. At this point I am sure all of you are hearing ominous music but at that time I was oblivious to the peril emanating from the disk. I put the disk into the appropriate drive and installed the program as prompted. Early this afternoon I was horrified to find that I had unwittingly installed a virus on my computer. It is a common affliction and I am sure you have heard of it; it was called Norton Internet Security.

Norton effectively disabled my computer. It locked my legitimate programs down and cut off all connection to my home network and the internet. When I attempted to change the settings of the program I was informed that I was not authorized to make any changes because I was not logged in as a supervisor. I didn’t know it at then but it turns out that Norton account setup is prone to corruption on installation. The buttons necessary to manage accounts or login were missing. I tried to use Norton Help and Support but they were located online and Internet Security had rendered my internet connection inoperative. I tried to uninstall Norton but the program is set up to protect itself and would not allow me to delete it, unless….. I was logged in as a supervisor. I was running out of options and so I took the drastic step of deleting some of Norton’s key files but the program just recreated them as fast as I put them in the trash. My dad tried to help me but he was as baffled as I. Finally, in a burst of intuition I figured out how to get rid of the Norton Curse. I realized that I could use Windows System Restore to return my computer to settings before I installed the frightful virus. Once I did that it, the self-protecting mechanisms were disabled and I was able to permanently delete the files.

After the final battle I went online and purchased a proper security program and have been running it without problems for nearly an hour. To unwind from my long struggle I opened my newly restored internet connection and typed a long blog entry, the one which you are nearly finished reading. Hopefully now that you have read of these events in this narrative you will be able to excuse my lack of posting quality in the last few weeks.

I am now Linked to the Earth

That's right, I now have highspeed internet from Earthlink.

I am very happy to finally be able to connect to the world from my basement. Hopefully this will be a productive change. Unfortunately, I suspect that it will become yet another way for me to squander prodigious amounts of time that ought to be spent pursuing diligence and progress.