Hardware Stores Make Me Feel Stupid
A couple days ago I had the misfortune to be sent to the hardware store. My boss at work wanted a feeler gauge to use in setting up a machine, a few lightbulbs, a brush and a few assorted knobs to install on the folder.
I hate hardware stores. I loathe walking down endless aisles of tools, gadgets and materials, the majority of which I can't identify. I never know where to look for anything and if it weren't for helpful sales people I would never be able to find the items I needed.
That last is a bit of an exaggeration, I was able to find the brush without any assistance. I even found the Tool section to look for the feeler guage. I still had to ask for help finding the gizmo because I didn't know what a feeler guage was or what it looked like. It was embarrassing.
Locating the remaining items involved the usual procedure of finding somone in an apron and begging them to have mercy on a poor lost shopper. They pointed me in the right directions and I was able to get the lightbulbs from the Lighting section and the hardware in the Hardware section. Of course this made me feel even worse.
Every time I enter a hardware store I feel a wave of inferiorty wash over me. When I can smell the wood, paint and other odors so beloved by the vast majority of my sex I realize that I am a freak. I am the only one in the entire store who has no idea what is going on. All the other guys bustles about on their errands zeroing in on the exact items they want and then wandering about to look at the newest tools, basking in their manliness and chatting with the clerks about the best way to use a lag bolt, whatever that is, while I walk one way and then the other in an obvious state of confusion. It is as if I have entered the grand sanctuary of all that is macho and been rejected.
At least I can say that it wasn't as bad as last time I went. Last time I had to get a bathroom fan. After consulting two or three employees I finally made it to the section where I could supposedly find one. I poked about for a minute or two and coming up empty I asked again. The clerk looked at me as if I were some sort of escapee from a finishing school or maybe a rehab clinic and with an expression of disgust turned his head to look behind him. It was then that I noticed that the entire wall behind him was an enormous display of fans of all shapes and sizes. I cringed, grabbed the cheapest fan I could find hurriedly retreated in shame.
Why can't I get sent to the electronics store?
I hate hardware stores. I loathe walking down endless aisles of tools, gadgets and materials, the majority of which I can't identify. I never know where to look for anything and if it weren't for helpful sales people I would never be able to find the items I needed.
That last is a bit of an exaggeration, I was able to find the brush without any assistance. I even found the Tool section to look for the feeler guage. I still had to ask for help finding the gizmo because I didn't know what a feeler guage was or what it looked like. It was embarrassing.
Locating the remaining items involved the usual procedure of finding somone in an apron and begging them to have mercy on a poor lost shopper. They pointed me in the right directions and I was able to get the lightbulbs from the Lighting section and the hardware in the Hardware section. Of course this made me feel even worse.
Every time I enter a hardware store I feel a wave of inferiorty wash over me. When I can smell the wood, paint and other odors so beloved by the vast majority of my sex I realize that I am a freak. I am the only one in the entire store who has no idea what is going on. All the other guys bustles about on their errands zeroing in on the exact items they want and then wandering about to look at the newest tools, basking in their manliness and chatting with the clerks about the best way to use a lag bolt, whatever that is, while I walk one way and then the other in an obvious state of confusion. It is as if I have entered the grand sanctuary of all that is macho and been rejected.
At least I can say that it wasn't as bad as last time I went. Last time I had to get a bathroom fan. After consulting two or three employees I finally made it to the section where I could supposedly find one. I poked about for a minute or two and coming up empty I asked again. The clerk looked at me as if I were some sort of escapee from a finishing school or maybe a rehab clinic and with an expression of disgust turned his head to look behind him. It was then that I noticed that the entire wall behind him was an enormous display of fans of all shapes and sizes. I cringed, grabbed the cheapest fan I could find hurriedly retreated in shame.
Why can't I get sent to the electronics store?
6 Comments:
What kind of folders do you run?
(Sorry, I don't mean to start talking shop here, I'm just curious.)
I run a table top Baum, a small AB Dick and a big(I think 19"x25"), cheap Baum clone that has alot of "personality". Meaning of course it doesn't run quite like it should.
I used to be able to navagate the old McLendons with my eyes closed, as good as Fry's. I don't know where anything is in the new store. Most of my browsing for stuff has been on the clock though, so I know where a bunch of stuff is, I've only been there once on my own for my own personal needs, and that was for a gasoline syphon hose.
Recruit, we want ou to go to the store and pick up some elbow grease. Oh... and pick up some headlight fluid while you are at it.
That was funny.
"Why can't I get sent to the electronics store?"
I'm glad Im a girl-it's ok for me to ask questions at the hardware store.
Post a Comment
<< Home