The Assault of the Flying Creature

I am a highly trained Dictatorial Assistant and despite the fact that I am currently unemployed in my primary occupation, I have learned some hardcore, 1337, commando, defense skills. I never expected to need them for defending my home against flying creatures of doom.

I was lying in my chambers attempting to gain a few precious hours of rest before beginning another day of top secret and amazingly important duties when a large object swept through the door, turned quickly and departed as it had come.

I instantly snapped into Anti-Ninja Mode™ and flung myself off my bed. Using my superior knowledge of tactics, I set out to do some reconnaissance. I was able to observe the intruder again and determined that it was a bird that had made its way in through an open window.

Now that I had ascertained the identity of my enemy I launched into Asssault Mode™ to drive the trespasser from my home regardless of danger or cost. I picked up my tools, said a quick prayer and readied myself to defend my family from the horrors that would undoubtedly be unleashed upon them by this small woodland creature.

Utilizing strategic light management I was able to lure the bird into the water closet and close the door. Despite the danger to myself I knew that I had to get my adversary into an enclosed space so that it couldn’t use his superior speed and agility to kite me to death. In the confined area of the bathroom I was able to catch a better look at the intruder and found that my initial assessment had been in error and that I was facing a far more terrifying opponent. It was a bat.

Before he could strike I quickly swept him with a notebook into the shower area and pulled the curtain, further restricting his movement. I then ducked around the curtain and struck at him repeatedly with the note book.

I had finally gained the upper hand. He was trapped in a tiny area where is powers of flight could no longer aid him and my greater size could finally come into play. He was doomed. Merciful fellow that I am, I opened a window and allowed him to flee instead of smiting him.

My valiant defense finally completed and with evil driven away once more, I deactivated Assault Mode™ and returned to bed.