Silver Back
As Duck Tape Across America Day continues to approach I have been intensively working on putting together an appropriate celebration. As my loyal readers know I have posted a number of duck tape related updates since I learned of this prestigious holiday’s existence. In keeping with my previous course of action I am giving you another use for Redneck Chrome brought to you by the Duck Tape HMO.
At this point you may be thinking Duck Tape HMO refers to some sort of medical use for duck tape. However, you will undoubtedly discard this idea because you, like most people realize that duck tape medicine is purely preposterous. When you do this you will be wrong.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have found that duck tape is useful in the healing arts, primarily as a bandage.
*WARNING* The remainder of this post contains gruesome and bloody descriptions of painful events. My tender, sheltered female readers may wish to quit reading at this point.
Now that I have that of the way I shall continue.
For a couple of years now I have had an enormous mole on my back. It really bugs me. I don’t know why it irritates me so but it does. Or rather it did.
Two nights ago, after taking a shower I decided to get rid of it for good. I attempted to rip it off the traditional way with my bare hands. This proved rather ineffective and merely made the growth bleed. However I wasn’t ready to quit at least not yet. Undeterred by the bloody mess I picked up my handy dandy set of pliers and proceeded to rip at the sucker.
Let me stop at this point to point out that trying to use pliers on a point of yourself midway between your shoulder blades is very difficult. I had to twist and contort so that I could use the bathroom mirror to guide my pliers to the offending growth. If anyone had burst in on me at that point they would have gotten quite a shock.
At this point, about 10 minutes since I began the operation, I had blood pouring out of the gaping crater remains of the mole and running down my back in a steady stream. I had only gotten about half of the mole because instead of coming off in one piece, whenever I got a grip on it, it would rip off in little tiny pieces. Finally I decided to give up.
I mopped up the blood with a rag, which was rather difficult concerning that the blood was pumping out as fast as I could mop it. I realized that a normal Band-Aid just wouldn’t cut it so I retrieved my nearest roll of Silver Miracle ripped off a square piece stored it on a nearby doorknob, swabbed quickly, retrieved tape and slapped it on my back. Now I have a piece of duck tape securely attached to my back until I feel like pulling it off.
According to various sites, I’ve looked at online a lot of people claim that placing duck tape over warts and moles will kill them. I guess I’ll find out.
At this point you may be thinking Duck Tape HMO refers to some sort of medical use for duck tape. However, you will undoubtedly discard this idea because you, like most people realize that duck tape medicine is purely preposterous. When you do this you will be wrong.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have found that duck tape is useful in the healing arts, primarily as a bandage.
*WARNING* The remainder of this post contains gruesome and bloody descriptions of painful events. My tender, sheltered female readers may wish to quit reading at this point.
Now that I have that of the way I shall continue.
For a couple of years now I have had an enormous mole on my back. It really bugs me. I don’t know why it irritates me so but it does. Or rather it did.
Two nights ago, after taking a shower I decided to get rid of it for good. I attempted to rip it off the traditional way with my bare hands. This proved rather ineffective and merely made the growth bleed. However I wasn’t ready to quit at least not yet. Undeterred by the bloody mess I picked up my handy dandy set of pliers and proceeded to rip at the sucker.
Let me stop at this point to point out that trying to use pliers on a point of yourself midway between your shoulder blades is very difficult. I had to twist and contort so that I could use the bathroom mirror to guide my pliers to the offending growth. If anyone had burst in on me at that point they would have gotten quite a shock.
At this point, about 10 minutes since I began the operation, I had blood pouring out of the gaping crater remains of the mole and running down my back in a steady stream. I had only gotten about half of the mole because instead of coming off in one piece, whenever I got a grip on it, it would rip off in little tiny pieces. Finally I decided to give up.
I mopped up the blood with a rag, which was rather difficult concerning that the blood was pumping out as fast as I could mop it. I realized that a normal Band-Aid just wouldn’t cut it so I retrieved my nearest roll of Silver Miracle ripped off a square piece stored it on a nearby doorknob, swabbed quickly, retrieved tape and slapped it on my back. Now I have a piece of duck tape securely attached to my back until I feel like pulling it off.
According to various sites, I’ve looked at online a lot of people claim that placing duck tape over warts and moles will kill them. I guess I’ll find out.
5 Comments:
But isn't it Duct Tape?
I am not a "sheltered" female type so I passed by your warning. :~)
Wow! that post was a real thriller! You so cracked me up. Duct tape for a band aid...that sounds exactly like something my high pain-tolerance Dad would do! On second thought, no my dad would probably forego any bandage and not notice he was even bleeding. My mom is the one who tends to notice...hehe.
Good post...VERY original! For sure!
annarose,
Both Duck and Duct are correct. Originally the tape was olive drab and used for sealing ammo crates in WWII. At that time it was called duck tape because of its water resistant qualities. After the war it was picked up by the housing industry for sealing ducts. The color was changed to its current silver manifestation and it was marketed as duct tape.
Interesting I had no idea of the etimology of the word duck/duct tape! That was very...enlightening or should I say one "watertight" presentation of the facts?? hehe.
But there is a common brand of Duct Tape called Duck Tape. This may have been part of the inspiration for the movie "Duct Tape Forever" where the Possum Lodge crew makes a giant duck sclupture from duct tape.
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