The Top Five Reasons I Don’t Dress Nice

People, primarily my sisters, constantly accuse me of wearing clothes that are “out” or “not in style any more”. They suggest that I wear trendy new cargo pants or the newest and improvedest type of shirt. According to them I have an “I don’t care attitude” and they advise that if I just wore the correct brand names everyone would like me better. In response to their impassioned pleas I have assembled the following list of the Top Five Reasons I Don’t Dress Nice:

1. Clothes are Expensive.

In my current work situation I do not make a ton of money. Therefore I have limited capital to work with. After my admittedly limited expenses are covered I have less money. The last thing I want to do is spend $30 on a pair of cargo pants that are “in” when two racks over I can pick up a pair of $12 off brand jeans.

2. I Hate Shopping

I despise going to crowded stores and giving up my hard earned money so that I can have overpriced apparel that is designed with trendiness instead of utility in mind. I dislike going to the mall and watching as my mother and sisters marvel at the newest baby clothes and the newest girls’ fashions and the newest women’s fashions, the shoes, the perfumes and every conceivable wearable item. On the other hand I abhor going to Wally World and wandering the narrow isles packed with smelly people who don’t speak English. I hate it that the “May I Help You?” people can’t help me because they lack the basic intelligence or the ability to speak English that is necessary to exchange information here in the U.S. of A.

3. Styles Change too Fast

One week a certain kind of pants are the pinnacle of style and class the next they mark you as an outcast and a wannabe. I’ll stick to my straight leg jeans and BDU pants.

4. “Nice” clothes are uncomfortable/nonfunctional.

I really don’t need to rant about ties or collars because everyone already knows that they are uncomfortable. In the more causal categories of clothing there seems to be a terrible lack of pockets and an over abundance of snaps, zippers, etc. Why must people choose such stupid apparel to be popular?

5. I’m too busy.

I really have no desire to spend the little free time I have looking at clothing catalogs or advertisements. While some people seem to find this relaxing I find it to be taxing on my patience. Assuming that I take the time to figure out what is currently in style I then have to go out and buy the stuff. Then a week later the styles change and the cycle starts over.